Decades later, I understand why moms could benefit from pastoral counseling.
As a young child, I remember a day when my mother was struggling. She seemed frustrated and out of sorts. I could tell she was restless and bothered as she seemed more restless than on other days. She was getting ready to meet with our local Jesuit priest at Saint Gabriel's church in the UK then. She told me that she had a conversation scheduled with him; however, she did not disclose what the meeting was about. My mother went to the meeting, and when she returned, she was frustrated and angry with him. At the time, she had never disclosed any of the content of the meeting to me. She stated, "You go to these people for help, and they fob (dismiss) you off." I asked, "What did he say?" She said he asked her to attend another group held in the church. My mother was so put off by this encounter with her Episcopal priest that she was reluctant to attend the group. I encouraged her to go. A week later, she went to the group and returned even more frustrated. Mum never mentioned the details of what happened in the group except to say that she felt like she wasn't wanted and never felt wanted by the other ladies of the group. I did not truly understand what she meant. I realize now that there is so much about my mother that I never understood. My mother's frustration sent her shopping for churches, and eventually, she found a good fit. She was at a point when she was looking for compassion and guidance, which she was not finding in the Episcopal church. I see now that my mother may have also been helped by psychoanalysis, but because of cultural biases at that time and other issues, she could not utilize its aid. During my training as a clinical chaplain, I have often thought of my mum and how she would have benefitted from the kind of clinical pastoral counseling that organizations like CPSP train people in. I appreciate how my clinical chaplaincy training has helped me to understand myself better so that I can be of better service to others. I value the importance of self-exploration in training and understanding family and group dynamics and how we react in certain situations. As I think back on my mother's interaction with her priest, I can understand how devastated she was not to get the support she was looking for. She was raising five children - one boy and four girls as a single mother. Three children were approaching their teenage years, and two were on the eve of adulthood. In addition, Mum was a smoker back then, with trips to the doctor to get a tonic. I am sure she needed a lot more than a tonic! I recently had a moment of clarity, compassion, and understanding about my mother. She often talked about not being wanted in her family and feeling like an outsider. It made perfect sense why she would have sought out support from her priest. Her interactions with the priest and the group she was referred to were typical for the time. No wonder she felt rejected and dismissed! I often wonder if the priest and other pastoral counselors had been through the training of CPSP, would they have been able to learn and embody the skills necessary for authentic engagement? Through self-inquiry, psychodynamics, and group relations practice, would they have better been able to make a difference in the lives of six individuals in my family and beyond. I have made it my task to bring clinical counseling, pastoral, and psychotherapy to my practice as I definitely see a need for community chaplaincy. I see a growing need to make pastoral counseling and support accessible to seniors and an inter-generational and inter-spiritual demographic. My mother is now ninety-five. Through the Evangelical church, she has finally found some peace. Unfortunately, the unresolved issues have trickled down to her children, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not, making their lives challenging and challenging others consciously or unconsciously. Pastoral care needs to come out of hiding in hospital settings and institutions where it struggles to be recognized and funded and become available to our communities. Just watching the news these days shows the increase in mental health issues. This training does matter as people's lives are at stake both directly and indirectly. Photo credit: Andrew W. J. Harriott
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AuthorRev. Andrew Harriott is a certified Diplomate Supervisor; Clinical Chaplain/Pastoral Counselor; and clinical fellow in Hospice and Palliative Care. He is the convener of the Spuyten Duyvil, NY Chapter. Andrew has served on the CPSP Certification Committee, and he is the former Convener of the Chapter of Chapters. Andrew's clinical pastoral education training center, International Chaplain Foundation, is in New York, NY. Archives
February 2024
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